Jokerman Dance to the Nightingale Tune
Amy has abandoned me, if just for a few days. She's off in Durango, CO on a girls’ trip, hiking, hanging out, and probably drinking a little too much wine. So far, the house remains standing, the pets are reasonably fed and walked, and I am learning how to have conversations with myself. Mostly I've just had the Bob Dylan song, Jokerman, bouncing around my skull.
Well, the book of Leviticus and Deuteronomy, the law of the jungle and the sea are your only teachers.
I'm also talking to various contractors. As soon as we got home from Europe, wheels that we'd set in motion before the trip started to move in full swing. We're having landscaping enhancements done. We're having drywall replaced and floorwork done following a burst pipe. Our pool has a leak that we're trying to figure out. Our drywall contractor somehow laid tape down on our polished concrete floors and pulled up some of the finish, which will likely require us to move out as they restore the entire floor (on their dime). Home ownership rocks. Best investment you'll ever make. Trust me.
Well, the rifleman's stalking the sick and the lame, preacher man seeks the same, who'll get there first is uncertain.
So they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and it does. Amy and I spend a lot of time together and around each other. She works from home, and lately I've mostly worked from home. We have the same group of friends here in Austin, eat in together, go out to dinner together, watch TV together, vacation together, sleep together – most days we're around each other 20+ hours. And it's nice. Nobody else I'd want to do that with.
You're a man among mountains, you can walk on the clouds, manipulator of crowds, you're a dream twister.
So I plan to explore the bachelor life over the next couple of days. I ordered Indian Food Thursday night – Amy never wants to order Indian food – when I told her she said something about carbs being paired with carbs and there was both rice and naan so…sure, she's right (she's often right). Last night I had Fried Chicken. For dinner. Fortunately, no blood work until the 20th…
He'll put the priest in his pocket, put the blade to the heat, take the motherless children off the street and place them at the feet of a harlot.
There's a lot of football on the agenda. I figured I'd shake things up and really spread my wings a bit – I tried sleeping on her side of the bed, but everything felt off. Her sleep number was different. The pillows were different. The dog was pointed in the wrong direction. I was disoriented when I woke up. Perhaps tonight I'll lay out on our new sod and be:
Resting in the fields, far from the turbulent space, half asleep near the stars with a (large) dog licking (my) face.
How I'm feeling
I generally feel good. I'm going to a sports therapist for my shoulder and seeing positive results. The side effects from the 4th dose seemed to be hitting me earlier in the week with a more robust rash and some serious fatigue, but both have gotten better. Generally feeling good.
I was catching up with Brett from Australia the other day. He's recently suffered through mouth and throat cancer and appears to be cancer free (!!!). They'll continue to do ongoing monitoring, but right now, all looks good. In learning what the chemo and radiation are like, particularly with a cancer that impacts how you chew and how you swallow…what I'm going through, at least as it relates to side effects, pales in comparison.
Immunotherapy works differently than chemo and radiation. Chemo and radiation are sort of a blunt, but effective combination. Chemo uses powerful drugs that travel through the bloodstream to kill fast growing cells throughout the whole body, while radiation uses high-energy beams to target and destroy the DNA of cancer cells in one specific location. The chemo causes body-wide, systematic side effects, while the radiation causes intense, localized side effects specific to the treated area.
Immunotherapy trains the immune system to find and destroy cancer cells. It's side effects are not caused by cell destruction, but by an overactive immune system accidentally attacking healthy organs. So far, I've gotten off relatively easy. No complaints.
What I'm thankful for
I'm thankful for one other side effect from getting diagnosed with cancer and coming to grips with my own mortality in a very real way. The outlook is improving and I’m much less fatalistic about all of this. I'm far from out of the woods, but there are reasons to be optimistic.
When I say one other side effect, what I mean is how it has impacted my values. How it has impacted my appreciation for all of the little moments in life. Some of this came front of mind after my conversation with Brett, but it's stuff I've been feeling over the last few months. The desire to live. The appreciation for the people that are important to me. The love that I've felt from everyone and knowing that I'm important to them. I've gotten emotional a couple of times around things that I previously would take for granted.
Little moments with my wife, my dog, a meal, our hikes, my thoughts, my friends, the sound when I'm sitting by the pool. The release that writing this blog and getting my thoughts down has provided. My normal experiences have been something that I've been much more in tune with and reflective about. I feel more grounded and appreciative of the little things. I'm taking fewer things for granted.
I hope that even after I (we) hopefully beat this, that this side effect remains.
A memory
In his younger years, he would always introduce himself as Carl S. Park the Third.
Carl was, in some ways, the most popular guy in high school and he had no idea. He wasn't a cool kid, but the cool kids liked him. All the super smarts considered him one of their own. Girls liked talking to him, even if they didn't want to date him – he could own the friend zone like no other man. He drifted across groups and everyone was happy to have a piece of him. But the place that he truly fit in was with our group – Dave, Josh, Brendan, and me.
His tastes were and continue to be a bit off the beaten path – a Van Damme/ Steven Seagal double feature was something to schedule a weekend around. I think he had a streak of seeing 10+ new Van Damme movies on opening night. The entire Billy Joel song catalogue was always on the tip of his tongue. There was a Rush Limbaugh thing that we won't talk about. At one point he really got into Burt Bacharach. Seriously.
He was cool.
His knack for trivia was legendary. He'd play a group of six people on one team in Trivia Pursuit and win easily. His recall for music, movies, sports, politics, history was off the charts. For a brief period, he and I were teammates on Quiz Bowl – we'd show up late with KFC's popcorn chicken and quote MC Hammer's line from the commercial – "It's Poppin'", and we’d slay the competition.
We were cool.
Carl and I lived together for a year at Penn State where we'd spend late nights calling lesser-known former major league baseball players and minor celebrities who had their numbers publicly listed. I think we learned from Andre Dawson's wife that yes, he was sleeping, and yes, this would be his last season with the Marlins. We almost certainly got yelled at by the wrong Al Oliver. Also, Carl spoke to Chuck Wollery's mom for about an hour. I think he sent her a birthday card.
We were cool.
Fast forward to August 1999 – it's night 7 of the brand new hit show, "Who Wants to be a Millionaire". Carl is a potential contestant, hoping to win the fastest finger contest to get his seat in the big chair across from Regis. Carl had to put the order of longest running TV shows in order – Meet the Press, 60 Minutes, SNL, Dallas. He came in second. Shit. Fortunately, there was still time left when the guy who beat him out didn't know what was on the back side of a 20 dollar bill (the White House).
The next fastest fingers question pops where he needed to put magazines in order from when they were initially introduced – Life, TV Guide, Rolling Stone, Entertainment Weekly… Carl aces it. He strolls up to shake hands with Regis, wearing a tie. He told Regis that he was an auditor for a large professional services firm. When Regis said, "Okay an accountant?" Carl pushed back – "I prefer the term auditor.”
And he was off and running. He breezed through the cupcake questions – some stuff about the Wizard of Oz. He stalled briefly to ask the audience about French hats. He nailed Poe's the Raven and even later made a subtle reference to it. He got to make a Karate Kid nod to Bonsai trees and call out 8th grade social studies when he knew that Tallahassee is the capital of Florida. When the show returned after a commercial, the camera opened on Brendan and Diana in the audience. Carl then gets a Goodfellas question which may have resulted in a small orgasm. He’s up to $8K.
He's starting to believe.
The Declaration of Independence – check. Rubella is German Measles? Bingo. Regis lets him touch the $32K check and Carl asks if he can hold onto it. He's moving onto serious money:
Regis: In the Peanuts Comic Strip what's the name of Linus and Lucy's little brother:
Rerun
Benny
Pig-Pen
Max
Carl takes the 50/50 and reduces it to Rerun and Max. He makes a Fred Berry and What's Happening reference. Regis talks him into taking his last life line.
The phone rings at our place in Manayunk and I'm as prepared as I can be. There's a big group in the room – I think Dave, Jen, Shatt, Maggie, maybe Trevor, maybe Kep. A whole gang. The strategy was that I would repeat the question and if anyone knew the answer they'd write it down.
I pick up the phone:
Regis: Hello Bob, Regis Philbin here from ABC’s “Who Wants to be a Millionaire”
Bob: How Ya Doin’ Regis?
Regis: Good, I’m fine, I’m sitting here with Carl, he needs a little help, he’s going for $64,000, he’s already won $32,000…
Bob: He’s already won 32?
Regis: He’s already won $32,000.
Bob: Okay, what’s the question?
Audience laughter as Regis' expression shows surprise at me pushing through the small talk.
Regis: Okay, alright, Carl, you’ve got 30 seconds to do it:
Carl: Alright Bob, we’ve eliminated 2. In the Peanuts Comic Strip what’s the name of Linus and Lucy’s little brother – is it Rerun or Max?
23 seconds remain.
Bob: In the Peanuts Comic Strip what’s the name of Linus and Lucy’s little brother – is it Rerun or Max?
17 seconds remain.
Dave, Jen, Maggie, Shatt, Kep, and Trevor stare back at me, befuddled.
16. 15. 14. 13. 12. 11. 10. 9. 8.
Bob: Uh, I would say Max, but I’m not sure.
Carl: I would too – I got the What’s Happening thing going.
The phone line cuts off.
Carl: Alright, well I’ll curse that program forever more, but I’m going with D: Max.
Regis: He’s going with D: Max, you’re going with D: Max, is that your final answer?
Carl: Final answer.
Regis: I’m sorry, it’s Rerun. So you leave here with $32,000. You got the check back. Here you go Carl, it’s $32,000.
Carl later told me that the reason he called me rather than his father (who would've gotten it right) was that he remembered that we had a conversation about the Peanuts comics in college. I think I told him that the conversation centered around neither of us having any clue why peopled found it interesting.
Carl certainly learned his way out of the friend zone, and officially voted for Kamala in the last election. He also proved that he doesn't hold grudges by giving me the honor of being the best man at his wedding.
Something I'm looking forward to
It's Hot Luck Festival next weekend! Dave, Jen, Brendan, Diana, Trevor, and Carl are making the journey to Austin for a long weekend of hanging out, great barbeque, live-fire cooking with some amazing chefs, and hopefully some live music. Amy and I have been looking forward to this since we got it scheduled a couple of months ago. Super stoked that it's around the corner.
Perhaps we'll also play Triva Pursuit.
Something I recommend
The books 1491 and its sequel 1493 by Charles C. Mann.
1491 examines the history, ecology, and native civilizations of the Americas before Columbus, painting a vibrant picture of thriving civilizations before they were ravaged by small pox and European conquest.
1493 shows the impact of the Colombian exchange on the planet – tomatoes, potatoes and other things being introduced to Europe and elsewhere, and vice versa.
Both are great reads that shed light on this remarkably dynamic era in human history.
Something I ate
Last weekend I made Stewed Short Ribs in a tomato Aji Pepper braise, served over mashed potatoes. It's a slow braise that takes about 30 minutes of active time, and 4 hours of inactive time. Super easy:
Ingredients:
1 large red onion, chopped
1 large bell pepper, stemmed and seeded
2 medium carrots, peeled
10 garlic cloves
1/3 olive oil
1 bay leaf
1.5 TBSP Aji Panca paste (buy from Amazon)
1 TBSP Aji Amarillo paste (buy from Amazon)
4 plum tomatoes
1.5 TSP cumin
1/2 cup of red wine
3 cups of chicken stock (preferably homemade)
3 to 4 lbs of short ribs, with each rib broken into thirds
Step 1: Preheat oven to 350 degrees. In a Dutch oven on the stovetop heat oil and pan fry the onion, pepper, and carrots on medium high until they start to soften – about 7 minutes, stirring occasionally. Add the garlic and pan fry for 2 more minutes. Add the bay leaf and Aji Panca paste and stir for another 2 minutes. Things should start to smell smoky and delicious.
Step 2: Stir in the Aji Amarillo paste, reduce the heat to medium low, and fry for another two minutes. Continue to stir. Add the tomatoes and cook for another couple of minutes. Add the cumin and scrape up any browned bits from the bottom of the pan. Cook the tomatoes until they start to break down and look juicy – another 4 minutes or so. Deglaze the pan with the red wine and reduce the liquid for a few minutes. Add the chicken stock and scrape up any bits from the bottom one last time. Remove the bay leaf.
Step 3: When cool enough to handle, puree everything in a blender until smooth. If you have a hand blender, that works great.
Step 4: Salt the short ribs. Quickly pan fry the 6 sides of each short rib in a little bit of olive oil until brown.
Step 5: Add the short ribs to the braising liquid, and stick the Dutch oven in the oven for 3 to 3.5 hours. It's ready when the meat falls off the bone. Serve it over mashed potatoes and enjoy.
Random thoughts
You're going to Sodom and Gomorrah, but what do you care? Ain't nobody there would want to marry your sister.
I really like putting on a brand new pair of socks. Preferably Bombas. Something about the freshness of the fabric, the elasticity, the fit, the overall comfort. Nothing’s better than that first wear.
There are a lot of things that I'd do if I had a billion dollars…definitely travel, definitely some philanthropy, I’d buy Midnite Vultures on vinyl, maybe invest in some businesses that interest me….But one of them would be to wear a brand new pair of socks every day. I think the billion dollar threshold is when I'd bring myself to justify something that frivolous. I’d feel better about the waste as Bombas donates a pair for every pair sold.
I wonder if Jeff Bezos ever wears the same pair of socks? Or the same tight black tee shirt? Actually, he's probably one of those people that goes sockless in loafers.
Anyway, for me…new socks. Every day.
Shedding off one more layer of skin, keeping one step ahead of the persecutor within.
I think it's time for Amy to come home.
